Frustration in the Dining Room

Ever had one of those days when you can’t seem to do anything correctly? When frustration builds, some of us breathe deeply to exhale our aggression away, others take a brisk stroll outdoors, call a family member for advice, or just mutter heatedly under our breath. For someone with dementia, however, expressing a sense of aggravation can be far more challenging. Imagine how you would feel if your ability to communicate was impaired and you couldn’t find the words to articulate what was troubling you.

One day in the dining room of a care home, I heard some surprising swear words that stopped me in my tracks. The colourful language, loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, was being used by a gentleman who had middle stages of a progressive dementia. A visiting group of family members seemed exasperated by the gentleman, and their expression seemed to say “Here he goes again!” Another resident, seated at a table, was glaring angrily in his direction. A staff person was also present, placing drinks on the tables, but she seemed to be ignoring the curse words. Perhaps this was a common behaviour for the gentleman, I thought. However, even if it was, I knew it was worth further investigation.

Calmly, I walked over to the gentleman’s table and immediately the problem became apparent. Spilled all over his shirt was the drink he had been holding in his hand. Every time he tried bringing the glass towards his mouth, his arm would tremble, spilling liquid onto himself. Spotting some cups which had lids and straws in the centre, I knew I had found a solution, and requested a cup for the gentleman. This simple act completely changed his mood and he was finally able to confidently take a sip. A note was left for managers so that this situation wouldn’t occur again.

Easing the frustration of someone with dementia starts with recognizing what is causing the frustration and taking steps to improve the situation. Whether we have dementia or not, we all yearn to be understood. This is why as caregivers, when we see a problem, rather than stepping away, we need to step in towards finding solutions instead. Remember that even something as simple as a cup, a straw or simply showing you care, can make all the difference. 🙂